Someone told me the following joke years ago and it still makes me giggle. I don’t generally remember jokes, even five minutes later, or I mess up the telling of the joke and give away the punch line.
Since I edit my own blog, this time I’ll get it right. And since you are reading this joke, I’ll never know if you are rolling your eyes, or suppressing a soft groan.
In my mind, you’ve just let out a deep belly laugh, and now have tears running down your cheeks while you call to someone in the other room to come hear this hilarious joke.
Perhaps I should have stopped before that last paragraph. Now you really have your hopes up. I’m nothing if not optimistic.
A man hears a knock at his door, but upon answering doesn’t find anyone there.
He closes the door, but again hears a knock.
The second time he opens the door, looks down and sees a garden snail on his front porch.
He bends down, hurls the snail across the yard and again closes the door.
Flash forward: Ten Years Later
The same man hears a knock at his door and upon answering it, he sees the same snail on his front porch.
The snail looks up at him and says, “What the hell was that about?”
I hope you’re sliding into a happy Friday.
Plastic Surgery Gone Bad
I found a gardening pun on Twitter today and thought it would be fun to share. I’ve compiled a few more, and welcome any additional puns or quips in the comments section below. Here’s hoping they tickle your green thumb.
A Nod to Theater:
Compostaphile and Compostaphobe — To rot or not to rot . . . David Hobson’s Garden Humour
“I should love to perform “There Are Fairies in the Bottom of My Garden” (Bea Lillie’s signature song), but I don’t dare. It might come out “There Are Fairies in the Garden of My Bottom.” – Noel Coward from Musicals101
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming. The Deep Middle
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi. Organic Universe
My wife’s a water sign. I’m an earth sign. Together we make mud. – Rodney Dangerfield from Garden Digest
The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology. Twitter
My wife works over-thyme in her herb garden before she decides it is time to cummin.
Don’t expect a bonsai tree to grow the miniature planting it.
I will cut the grass only when I get mowtivated.
The research assistant couldn’t experiment with plants because he hadn’t botany.
Old gardeners never die they just vegetate.
Gardeners like to plant their feet firmly.
If you’re a gardener you might call yourself a ‘plant manager’.
from David Hobson’s Garden
The real meaning of plant catalog terminology:
“A favorite of birds” means to avoid planting near cars, sidewalks, or clothes lines.
“Grows more beautiful each year” means “Looks like roadkill for the foreseeable future.”
“Zone 5 with protection” is a variation on the phrase “Russian roulette.”
“May require support” means your daughter’s engineering degree will finally pay off.
“Moisture-loving” plants are ideal for landscaping all your bogs and swamps.
“Carefree” refers more to the plant’s attitude than to your workload.
“Vigorous” is code for “has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world.”
“Grandma’s Favorite” — until she discovered free-flowering, disease-resistant hybrids. Garden Digest