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Super Bowl Gardening?

Squirrel eating sunflower

Squirrel eating sunflower

I’ve been wracking my brain for a gardening-Super Bowl tie in today.  Since half the world is probably watching the Super Bowl now, I could simply make something up.  I doubt anyone is reading a gardening blog.

Instead I consulted the ‘For Dummies’ series to educate myself on the following football terms.  I’ve come up with my own (gardening) interpretation of the same:

Down: A period of action that starts when the ball is put into play and ends when the ball is ruled dead (meaning that the play is completed).

Down: A period of time known as winter.  Gardening down time.

End zone: A 10-yard-long area at both ends of the field — the promised land for a football player.

End zone: The only zone in which you can’t grow a thing.  I garden in zone 14-15.

Extra point: A kick, worth one point, that’s typically attempted after every touchdown.

Extra point: When you plant one thing, and two things come up instead.

Field goal: A kick, worth three points, that can be attempted from anywhere on the field but usually is attempted within 40 yards of the goalpost.

Field goal: My goal is to grow a garden as big as a football field.

Fumble: The act of losing possession of the ball while running with it or being tackled.

Fumble: The act of losing possession of the bulb you just dug up when the resident gardener runs after you saying “No!  Not the tulip bulbs!!!” This usually pertains to squirrels.

Hash marks: The lines on the center of the field that signify 1 yard on the field.

Hash marks: The indentations left on your knees after pulling weeds all day.

Interception: A pass that’s caught by a defensive player, ending the offense’s possession of the ball.

Interception: The sunflowers saved by a defensive gardener who figures out clever ways to outsmart the squirrels.

Kickoff: A free kick that puts the ball into play.

Kickoff: Also referred to as ‘Spring.’

Punt: A kick made when a player drops the ball and kicks it while it falls toward his foot.

Punt: A kick made when a gardener drops a packet of seeds and tries desperately to keep them from hitting the ground.

Return: The act of receiving a kick or punt and running toward the opponent’s goal line with the intent of scoring or gaining significant yardage.

Return: The act of returning to the garden center again and again because you simply can’t help yourself.

Sack: When a defensive player tackles the quarterback behind the line of scrimmage for a loss of yardage.

Sack: A great place to store and dry last year’s seeds.

Snap: The action in which the ball is hiked (tossed between the legs) by the center to the quarterback, to the holder on a kick attempt, or to the punter.

Snap: The sound a gardener’s neck makes, when she realizes that what she just brushed off her shoulder has six furry legs. A snap may also warrant a trip to the chiropractor.

Touchdown: A score, worth six points, that occurs when a player in possession of the ball crosses the plane of the opponent’s goal line, or when a player catches the ball while in the opponent’s end zone, or when a defensive player recovers a loose ball in the opponent’s end zone.

Touchdown: When you brush your hand across the surface of a ‘lambs ear‘ it’s like touching down. 

29 thoughts on “Super Bowl Gardening?”

  2. Clever girl 😀 End Zone made me jealous, Return made me laugh (and nod) and Snap made me shudder. What a fabulous idea for a post Alys, so original. Of course I especially adored your squirrel friend. Not worried about leaving an evidence is he? We don’t watch football at our house so today we were out for the longest walk. Jim calculated 11 km. We stopped for an early supper on the way and were gone for 4.5 hours, I may even be stiff tomorrow, ha. How were all your appointments? You probably didn’t have time for football.

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    • No time (or interest) for football, but I don’t feel like I missed a thing. Mike watched it with a friend next door, and the boys dropped by for pizza toward the end.

      I worked 10 – 6 on a home office. The client was thrilled which is always nice, but I was good and tired.

      Your walk sounds lovely. Good for you. It can’t always be easy in that cold, crisp weather. Do you get a lot of wind, too? It’s a mess on the east coast today. It sounds like they are having a day like you had last week.

      Thanks for liking my post. It was fun coming up with gardening equivalents.

      Ah, to have the confidence of a squirrel. We would be insufferable!

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      • We can get a lot of wind at the lake because it’s so open but not as much downtown. That day was nothing but bright sunshine and slush…. a lot of slush. That’s one thing we noticed in California. everything is so clean, especially cars. Oh my car is a mess and there’s no point washing it because 1/2 block from the car wash and it looks like you never cleaned it.

        We could never be insufferable….too cute,…giggle.

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        • Okay, I just went back and edited my comment. You are kind to ignore the pile of typos and nonsensical phrasing. Sheesh!

          I never thought about California as clean. LOL. I guess it is all relative. I suppose car-washes don’t do much of a business in your neck of the woods.

          We used to visit Mike’s folks in Calistoga in the summer, and by the time we got to the top of the dirt road, the entire van would be coated in fine dust. It was everywhere.

          giggle…

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          • This might surprise you, I didn’t read a single odd thing that I can recall…LOL I must read like I spell….poorly.

            The car wash biz would be tricky in the winter….usually its too darn cold and if you wash you car, it’s frozen shut in the morning unless you have a heated garage. We did at our house but not here. There’s only room for one car in the non-heated garage. I’m parked in the driveway and just plug my car in. Last week I got all ready to go out and the battery was dead. An interior light was left on…bummer, I had to call AMA (for the 3rd time). The interior is just a mess with the road slush and sand and salt. Next Tues is forcast for +5, while out east is getting 3 feet of snow…weird weird

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